A BRONX TALE

1993
Director:  Robert De Niro
Writer:  Chazz Palminterri
Starring:  Robert De Niro and Chazz Palminterri

Just watch it!  Oh, you've seen it already?  "Fuck you, pay me"...I mean watch it again!  I am fascinated how mafia movies make the viewer love the bad guys.  Henry Hill states something about Jimmy Conway in Goodfellas.  Henry's voiceover informs us "Jimmy was the type of guy who rooted for the bad guys in movies."  This is exactly what Scorsese and Pileggi did to us with Goodfellas, and De Niro and Palminterri with A Bronx Tale.  They make us love the bad guys.  I'm not judging, nor blaming anyone because I am definitely proud to admit I am one of the millions of victims who apparently root for the bad guys in movies.  

This story revolves around a young man, who as a boy got himself involved with the mafia without even knowing it.  The boy, C, constantly juggles two "families", a racially segregated neighborhood, and friends exploding with detrimental influence.  It differs from other mob movies because it also focuses on a respected and feared mob boss' sensitive side.  Aside from a few well-deserved outbreaks, Sonny can be described as a loving and compassionate guardian angel for C.  Pretty much, C grows and develops into young man while his father and Sonny butt heads.  Plus there are spurts of much desired, bloody violence!

Speaking of bloody violence, the best scene consists of bikers being thrown and Harley Davidsons turned into dominos.  Needless to say, these mobsters don't just wash your mouth out with soap for misbehaving.  My other favorite scene is C putting his date to the test.  Remember ladies, this is for real and I use this constantly on my girlfriend and friends.

On a side note, I genuinely encourage the viewing of this film, beings how I declined spoiling anything.  Please beware, this DVD is pretty difficult to find considering it is out of print.  Unfortunately, it is not available at Blockbuster, Best Buy, Movie Stop, or Wal Mart.  You must rely on yard sales, Ebay, and any cool friend who already owns a copy.  By good luck, my friends shall not fear.  My mother recently found me a copy! XO

TOSH.O AND THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE

Tosh.0	Tuesdays 10pm / 9c
Spoiler Alert - Human Centipede - Uncut
tosh.comedycentral.com
Tosh.0 Videos Daniel Tosh Web Redemption

WARNING:  You will never look at the letter 'B' the same way again after viewing this video :)

First and foremost, I must announce that this movie was suggested by a friend of mine, but little did this young fellow know, I already watched this spoiler video.  I assure you this is the best twenty-five minute investment you could ever ask for!  I admit I did not watch the actual movie, however, after viewing this video, I am more than satisfied on the topic.  I will try my best not to spoil this spoiler, but I can't resist discussing a few things about it.

If you are unfamiliar with this movie, please scroll up and examine the movie title screen behind Tosh until you find Waldo.  Waldo being the silhouette of three people sewn ass-to-mouth.  Before you stop reading, at least know this.  I heard the director of this film is not as demented as one would naturally assume.  I've actually heard this idea originated from his drunken conversations on appropriate punishment for child molesters.  Not such a bad idea now huh?

As twisted as this idea is, it does sadden me to think how realistic this horror can be.  It is quite possible, especially in this day and age that some psychotic looney could attempt this human transformation on three random victims.  Technically, this idea is quite possible, especially when compared to other horror and sci-fi films.  In my opinion, the chances of this happening to you are probably greater than aliens landing on Earth, being struck by lightning, being attacked by a vampire and saved by a werewolf, and sinking in a Titanic sized ship.  I never realized how many other things I would prefer happening to me before this.

Tosh is brilliantly hysterical.  I literally peed my pants the first time I watched this, and as a result am now a fan of him and his show.  Whatever you do, always remember, "Rohypnol, rape drug" thumbs up!

OH SHIT!

  

CHARACTER INTRO SCENES

This is one of my favorite things to daydream about. What would my character intro scene look like? More importantly, what song will be playing at that time?  Did you ever ponder these possibilities? Let's talk about some classic character intros. 

One of my favorites must be credited to Robert De Niro in Goodfellas. If you recall correctly, young Henry is working at the bar closer to the beginning of the movie when his narration informs us of his first time meeting Jimmy Conway.  The Cadillacs' "Speedo" fills our ears while Jimmy Conway walks in. His wardrobe screams mafia money and his first action is sliding $50 and $100 bills in the pockets of employees.  His intro is amazing.  I give props to Scorsese because he left the audience with no choice but to love Jimmy Conway.

Another favorite intro of mine is from Boogie Nights.  Burt Reynolds plays the infamous Jack Horner, a pornography director in the film. He is the head honcho and needs a badass intro to prepare the viewers for the rest of the rocking film!  The camera cuts to Jack walking in the bar as he attracts attention from every direction. His classy self sits at a table when he notices Dirk Diggler for the first time. I think this scene is priceless because we witness his control, charm, direction, and keen eye for developing talent.  If you have seen Boogie Nights, then you will agree with me when I say Jackie Boy is the gem of the film.    

One of the visions I have for myself is more like Sylvester Stallone's first appearance in Cobra.  He speeds into the frame in his Porche.  As his tires screech to a stop, his door opens only to reveal a black boot stepping onto the ground.  As his identity grows apparent, the audience must admit they wouldn't pick this guy out of a crowd to fuck with.  

My intro would definitely be similar with some slow motion thrown in the mix with a Guns n Roses or Motley Crue song blasting out the windows of a shiny, yellow corvette.  My shoes would also be way more colorful than Stallone's black, intimidating boots.  I suppose it would be more rock star than badass:)

FILM FIGHTS

http://www.filmfights.com/


What's this site all about? from justin johnson on Vimeo.


So I have two hours to spare and nobody to talk to. I'm waiting for my brakes to be repaired, which includes getting rid of the poor person squeak that attracts oh so much attention while driving. Shit, I thought rocking out to my iPod was an attention grabber, but the squeak sure put my moves to shame.

I feel there is no better way than to spend the next couple hours talking about Film Fights! Film fights is a web site that holds short film competitions. Each month or so they create eccentric topics and few guidelines. I want to do this!

Every so often I check out the winners and somehow ALWAYS smile when I see the proof that my idea is way better than the winners'!  So yeah, I want to do this and I need your help!  I need actors and actresses who are willing to work for me for free! The good side is it's an awesome, ass kicking time, and not to mention, you will be under my direction. You're already winning!

Right now, no contest category really catches my wandering eye, but shortly I will find one. I will keep you updated on what types of people I need in front of the camera.  So check out the site and let me know who's down!

THE RESIDENT

2011

Director:  Antti Jokinen
Writers:  Antti Jokinen and Robert Orr
Starring:  Hilary Swank








I would like to dedicate this blog to On Demand for being a rockstar and a shitty drug at the same time.  I ordered this movie today (legally!) while it is currently playing in theaters.  Awesome!  Watching a new movie while smoking a cigarette on the couch.  I'm not sure how I can even think about ordering a movie that I have to pay for without the luxury of receiving a personal copy, when I have hundreds of unopened DVDs to choose from.  Thanks to On Demand being a lazy person's wet dream, this movie cost me $6.99 today.

The timing of this movie is what really convinced me it was worth the money and ninety minutes.  I am currently in the process of moving, which has forced me to obsess over the fear of having to trust someone new with a key to my home.  I also made a friend of mine (who is just about to move out on her own, may I add) sit in on the viewing of The Resident.  Let's just say this creepy mess was not financially satisfying, yet is effective awareness for young women.

Long story short, Hilary Swank moves in to a new apartment by herself after a recent divorce.  While still talking to her ex, she casually flirts with her handsome, yet creepy landlord.  She slowly grows suspicious of the obvious corruptness going down under her roof.  She invests in cameras, only to discover how perverted her new landlord is.

Although predictable, this film actually contained a few good points.  First, I
was impressed how the story revealed the landlord was indeed the culprit who was watching our main character.  The film rewound and reran a few familiar scenes, but this time from the intruder's perspective.  It revealed how his obsession with her began all the way up to him presently watching her in the bath tub.  Pretty cool and original.  I also like how the physical aspect of rape was visually hidden from the viewer, yet its presence was clear.

It also used other chilling methods to create the hidden, freakish side of the landlord.  This dude would spike her wine and suck on her fingers while she was passed out.  It was chilling to witness such oddness.  Almost disturbingly violating.  There was also a montage that included him brushing his teeth with her toothbrush and jerking off in her bath tub.  It makes me want cameras in the place I call my home.

My advice for everyone is to save your seven dollars, and instead of buying this movie with it, put it towards a new, shiny knife to keep near your pillow.  I also advise collecting sharp objects and planting them around your home for protection!  Well, that's just me;)


***If you are dying to hear my thoughts on a particular movie, feel free to contact me at TRWrysec@gmail.com.  If I haven't seen it already, I assure you I will at least put it at the top of my list.  Thanks!

SWEET HOME ALABAMA

2002
Director:  Andy Tennant
Story Writer:  Douglas J. Eboch
Screenwriter:  C. Jay Cox







Look at all these men creating and directing a chic flick.  It's irony delivered on a silver plate to those who would easily assume only a lady could perfect such a love story.  This was a comforting thought to learn right before publicly admitting my love for some movies that float in a maidenly genre.  Sweet Home Alabama is definitely one of them.  I guess I can't escape the estrogen after all.

I definitely have this soundtrack and have been rocking out to a few songs ever since I bought it years ago.   My favorite is The Calling's "Keep Your Hands To Yourself",  and Jewel's version of "Sweet Home Alabama" jingles nicely on a warm, sunny day.  Even though they are not included in the soundtrack, No Doubt contributes "Hella Good" to the rocking intro of Andrew, Patrick Dempsey's character.

This movie follows a traditional and familiar fairy tale.  There are so many other love stories that stream the same message, yet so many people tell me they can watch this one over and over.  Here on Earth, The Notebook, Titanic and Dirty Dancing, along with an endless list of others, all stream the same love message.  It's the type of fight where money gets in the way of the heart.  The contents of the match typically contain the old and poor, yet loving boy battling the rich, charming guy.  Although the winner alternates from movie to movie, you can usually tell who the winning lady will choose to hold her arm within the first fifteen minutes.


How does Josh Lucas' character, Jake, win us over?  His hardworking ethic and loyalty to Reese Witherspoon's character sure helps him shine over Andrew and his mother controlled world.  For some, it could be Jake's dimples, but I think the rest of us are truly inspired through his genuine love.  Reese's eyes do light up like blue, sparkling gems when Jake answers her question about marriage with "so I can kiss you anytime I want."  Cute, but if you ask me, no chick flick has the same effect on me like Overboard.

This love story reminds us that no matter what you think, money can't buy all your battles, you silly fools.  Oh and also, "you can't ride two horses with one ass, sugarbean."

WHY DO I BUY SO MANY DVDS?!

I get asked this question quite often.  I guess it's for the same reason that justifies people spending their money on excess clothes, books, gambling, alcohol, yarn, etc.  Name your poison because we all have at least ONE thing that just tickles your tummy every time you buy it.  Sometimes I like to pretend I'm a distorted version of Hugh Hefner in my classy, mismatched pajamas and just stare at all my little DVD boxes.  I run my fingers across them while wearing a creepy smile on my face, just as a fat kid would do with an unopened candy bar.  Hugh and I just collect different things, but ultimately, we both feel that priceless feeling of hope when we can spend a few minutes just admiring our dirty, little obsessions.

You learn a lot from yourself and what you really like when you have to limit your routine to afford daily necessities in life.  I have naturally sacrificed clothes shopping, dining out, bar tabs, and everything else a twenty-something year-old would love to spend their paychecks on just so I can pay rent.  The little money that is left over after spoiling my loved ones is spent on increasing my DVD towers.  I guess we all must grow accustomed to prioritizing, but you know as well as I do that we all have a dark craving to feed.  I'm thankful that mine is a movie collection and not a far more dangerous and expensive addiction.  I mean, what the hell, I already invested thousands of dollars into a university to further my knowledge and experience in the film industry.  I'm proud I am still clearly ambitious and motivated just as I was when I began pursuing this field.  I am already ahead of the game, or at least this is what helps me sleep at night.  

A side note to Blu Ray DVDs..Please stop taking over!  I really enjoy the freedom of having thousands of movies and television series to choose from.  If you keep this up and DVDs are demolished off Earth, I'm going to be forced to make my super-duper technologically advanced girlfriend brew up an easy way for me to copy ALL of my DVDs on to Blu Ray DVDs.  She won't be happy.  Plus,  my collection is far too old and developed that it would be pointless to rely on the possibility that every movie from the past would be available and for sale on Blu Ray.  I'm still waiting for some old time movies to be released on DVD, cough cough, The Legend Of Billie Jean!  So Sony, Panasonic, Philips, please keep making DVD players.  Thanks! XO