FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)

2009
Director:  Marcus Nispel
Screenwriters:  Damian Shannon and Mark Swift
Story Writers:  Damian Shannon, Mark Swift, and Mark Wheaton
Starring:  Jared Padalecki, Amanda Righetti, and Derek Mears


(Original Movie Director:  Sean S. Cunningham
Original Writers:  Victor Mill and Ron Kurz)


All of my DVD's are packed up in boxes, so for the next couple weeks I will have to rely on taking chances with free movies on On Demand.  Hopefully I get lucky and choose some good ones in the future, because tonight I put on something so terrible I just had to end the torture.  To avoid further disappointment tonight, I put on the remake of Friday the 13th.  I watched this once when it first came out and I don't recall being wowed by it, but do remember it being scary.

Out of these types of classic horror films, this was probably my least favorite because it was the most unrealistic.  Even Nightmare On Elm Street was influenced by a true horror.  I believe it was a while ago in Japan, where dead students were found after complaining about something disturbing them while they slept.  They were so petrified that they resorted to hiding coffee machines in their closets in order to stay awake.  Knock on wood, but I don't really know of any true stories where a child dies and comes back from the dead as an enormous, masked maniac.

I did enjoy the opening scene of a reenactment from the original.  I appreciate how the story meshes the traditional rules with modernized originality, although I wish they used the original theme music more.  My favorite scene is the first kill.  One of the victims stumbles across the marijuana plants the group is planning on taking.  As he is indulging in their orgasmic scent, Jason appears.  I remember jumping in the movie theater.  I was so distracted, I completely forgot it was a horror movie for a second!  I kind of dig the "long intro" during the first fifteen minutes, although I was not fond of it the first time I watched it.

I also totally dig the death scenes with the boat.  I thought the arrows were a tricky and suspenseful way to deliver death.  I also thought the boat running the girl over was a cool effect to shoot into the mix, but the boobie shot there really made me chuckle.  You especially see this "rating trick" in most horror movies.  There are always boobs that just pop out with irrelevance to the story.  Even the original Halloween has a classic breast shot.  This is usually something the creators do not only to attract and satisfy viewers of the sexual desires, but also to kick their rating up a notch.  It's a good way to guarantee an R-rating.

All you can really expect and hope for with recently made horror movies is that they scare the shit out of you while being careful not to overindulge in the use of blood to the extent of it screaming fabrication.  It's rather unlikely you find a scary movie that intertwines the gore and violence with strong character backgrounds and a suspenseful and twisted story line.  Typically you get one or the other.  One of my goals in life is to pull a Tarantino by creating a new generation of film for the horror genre.

OPEN HOUSE

2010

Writer and Director:  Andrew Paquin

Starring:  Brian Geraghty, Rachel Blanchard, and Anna Paquin (although Anna is in it for ten seconds, and that includes the three seconds wasted on showing her dead body.)


I found this movie on On Demand today for free!  I decided to watch it because I was already intrigued when I saw it in a store.  Due to its overpricing and unlikely chance of even being worth the twenty-dollars, I did not purchase it.  I must admit today the advertising won me over as well.  Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer are shown on the cover, leading one to assume they hold a relevant role in the story.  WRONG!

Overall, this movie is terrible and I am going to spoil everything about it in the hopes of saving you time and money.  Stephen Moyer's character is also introduced right before he is stabbed in the neck, during climax may I add.  It was weird to see him without bloody fangs in the sunlight.  His sex partner and killer, along with her socially awkward brother, break into an occupied, open house and go on a killing spree.  As they are slashing every person who walks through the front door, the brother is secretly keeping the owner of the house hostage.

Yeah, it's weird.  He and his sister have that incest flirtation going on that I can never grasp the concept of.  They never really establish what their malfunction is or why they enjoy going Texas Chainsaw Massacre in random open houses.  Above all, the film lacks character development, and therefore prevents the viewer from growing emotionally attracted to the characters.  Honestly, the only thing I looked forward to while watching this was the credits so I knew who to blame for this mess.

So after a few murderous rampages and an eye stabbing, the brother and sister are the only survivors.  It ends with them checking out a new open house, which the viewer thankfully gets to assume instead of watching, the same thing happens again.  If you want blood, your attention will be better spent on watching something like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th, House of Wax, Saw, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, or even Cabin Fever.  Ugh..NEXT!

TV SHOWS

My anticipation for the third season of Nurse Jackie has influenced this blog.  I cannot express my excitement enough.  Oh how I long to chuckle over the problems the infamous, pill popping, juggling, needle pricking Nurse Jackie deals with on a daily basis.  She does have one friend who she introduced to about half of her closet skeletons.  Dr. O'Harah, the same woman whose high-heel tapping launches my mind into perversion.

If you are unfamiliar with the show, I advise you start indulging immediately!  It is a television show that allows just about every emotion to explode in each episode.  If you are not laughing at Jackie's dry humor, Chloe's innocent struggle for Jackie's affection, or O'Harah's pompous lip, you are concerned about her daughter, embarrassed for her husband, smiling when sweet revenge is served to those deserving it, or clenching tears back as another life drifts away in the All Saints' Hospital emergency room.  It's contents are volcanic and more than fulfilling.

My thirst for a compelling television show is typically quenched from HBO and Showtime series.  I hold the film crews responsible for these creations and visualizations on a high pedestal.  Some of them are just mind-blowing and fascinating to think how such ideas can be mastered on screen.  Ever since I was a little girl, I told myself I was going to write something for HBO.  Currently, my attention is caught up on Showtime's Shameless, however, the completion of this season will shortly be replaced with Nurse Jackie and The United States of Tara.

My heart truly looks forward to the future seasons of shows such as Dexter, True Blood and Weeds.  I cannot help feeling connected to some of the characters in movies and television shows.  Losing television characters make my heart ache even more because I feel like I've known them for all the years the show has aired, as opposed to characters in a two-hour movie.  With this said, I cannot possibly describe in words how much I miss my buddies from OZ, Sex and the City, Rome, and The L Word.  


By the overbearing and sudden burst of Dexter memorabilia in my possession, one would assume my favorite show is just that.  I am sorry to inform you that my #1 spot will always and forever be a home only for HBO's OZ.


Also...Season 3 of Showtime's Nurse Jackie begins on Monday, March 28th at 10pm!

CHLOE

2009

Director:  Atom Egoyan

Writers:  Erin Cressida Wilson and Anne Fontaine

Starring:  Julianne Moore, Amanda Seyfried, and Liam Neeson

I was craving a movie today when Chloe crossed my mind.  A friend had lent it to me months ago, and I didn't know much about it.  Ironically, this film would have been another pertinent illustration in my "Psychotic Significant Others" blog.

It did differ from the rest, as they usually should at least attempt to stand out in such a large crowd of similar movies.  It started off with a slight boom, but I am not even considering the opening scene that revealed Amanda Seyfried's breast.  This was a G-rated foreshadowing for what was about to explode out of this R-rated story.  I am still shaking my head in disbelief at one particular scene.  Hmm, awkward...

Although I do appreciate the different approach in the storytelling of this typical movie evolved around a couple being taunted with adultery, I didn't really enjoy the drawn out story line, especially when it was speckled with intense conversations that overstayed their welcome.  It did not hold an ounce of suspense, nor thrill, yet I must admit it did make me question each main characters' words.  The twisted ending was a nice "cherry on top" tasting conclusion.  This was enough to earn admittance into my public thoughts, however, I would recommend other films in the genre before this one :/

PSYCHOTIC SIGNIFICANT OTHERS

Such an exciting topic...in real life and on screen.  I like to imagine how some people I know would react to extreme situations that can partake in a relationship.  Everybody knows at least one kooky and crazed relationship slave, who is perfectly capable of "snapping" and landing themselves in a Court TV episode.  There is a never ending pyramid of movies that all share plots interfered with crimes of passion.

A Perfect Murder, Sid and Nancy, Unfaithful, Fatal Attraction, Obsessed, and Swim Fan are just a few noteworthy flicks off the top of my head.  Although all are worthy of at least one screening, A Perfect Murder and Sid and Nancy are a must.

Michael Douglas and Gwyneth Paltrow star in this twisted thriller that goes by the name of A Perfect Murder.  The sex, money, murder, and shock fulfill your quench for drama throughout the whole story.  The shit hits the fan when a perfect plan is stabbed with an exorbitant flaw.  The unexpected happens, and then it happens again and again.  I must admit, I do find myself "rooting for the bad guy" in this film due to my lack of sympathy for any cheater, cheater, penis eater.

Sid and Nancy is a special movie because it's based on the true story of The Sex Pistols Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen.  Gary Oldman and Courtney Love (yes, the crazy, rocker chick from Hole) methodically portray the doped up love birds.  As demented and pathetic as their relationship was, I somehow became engaged and grew an infatuation for their love.  I'm unsure if I'm more attracted to their innocence or their recklessness, but I definitely do heart them:)

Crimes of passion emerge from the screen and manipulate the lives of many people who were once considered role models.  Aside from Sid and Nancy, the relationships between O.J. Simpson and Nicole White, Scott and Laci Peterson, and Paul Snider and Dorothy Stratten were also overheated and bombarded with bloody romance.  These types of stories always create a shocking disturbance in our eyes, but can we really assure ourselves that we are not capable of releasing such passionate rage?

Whether the psychotic significant others react with murder, suicide, or both, we will continue to be intrigued, only to be scarred, by these fictitious and factual events.  Whatever you do, choose your weapon carefully because your story could be converted into the next ninety-minute soap opera for the would to criticize.

GO

1999
Director:  Doug Liman
Writer:  John August
Starring:  Sarah Polley, Timothy Olyphant, Scott Wolf, and Katie Holmes
(Also has Taye Diggs, Breckin Meyer, and Jay Mohr!)

RONA:  "SHOW ME YOUR TITS."

A movie this reckless and mind-blowing should be more reputable.  I feel like this is one of those born-to-be notable films that got ripped off by their lack of advertising.  It definitely has potential to be classified in a popular, distinguished category.  With this said, I'm advertising it for free here because it truly inspires my ideas for screenwriting.  Watch it!

I remember seeing this movie in theaters with my cousin and Pop-Pop.  I was fourteen years-old, and probably was the reason why adults shot my Pop awkward glares for tagging along a young teen to a well deserved R-rated movie.  Little did they know, violence, sex, drugs, blood, and cursing exposed and tainted my eyes and ears a long time ago.

Even before seeing this in the theater, I remember visiting a Tower Records in Philly where I picked up postcards for free.  I got American Pie, Stir Of Echoes, and Go.  All three of these movies were unreleased and unheard of at the time, but how could I resist free movie memorabilia?  All three postcards still hold a place in collage infested bedroom.  

This flick is unique because it has a few different, yet intersecting story lines.  There are quite a few different characters, and each and every one takes the viewer on a rapturous journey.  The editing is noteworthy because the overlapping stories never force us to watch the same scene over again, like some of these kinds of movies do.  Instead, we see the same night replayed through completely different eyes each time.  This makes you speed through the euphoric hundred minutes without wanting to blink.  As the film goes on, the music beats faster and the characters' scenarios intensify.

The soundtrack spinning in the background pumps you up and accents the action packed roller-coaster ride.  No Doubt, Fat Boy Slim, Lenny Kravitz, Eagle Eye Cherry, and Steppenwolf decorate the playlist and inject the perfect touch to make the whole package legendary.  This is definitely a must-see.  Why would you want to miss out on the boob bouncing, pill popping, money making, primitive party anyway?  

MARY X-MAS!

HOW HIGH

2001
Director:  Jesse Dylan
Writer:  Dustin Abraham
Starring:  Method Man and Redman

"How did I fail Women's Studies? I love bitches!"  Obviously this is no Oscar Nominee, but it sure as hell is worth watching.  Super Troopers and Half Baked are like skunk weed compared to this "Purple Haze."  (Pineapple Express was one of the worst movies ever, and therefore I refuse to insult these other films by including it my comparison.)  If you are looking for this specific type of comedy, this is your flick.

"Got blunt?"
"Got weed?"  This is how the two main characters meet.  Enough said!  Oh, and they have this special weed that allows a deceased friend to become visible to only those coughing on the super powers of the "Ivory" marijuana.  This lands them into Harvard, where they expose the university to sex, drugs, and rap music.

It's a sweet trip through a quixotic world.  Some of us can relate to certain situations that come about in this little adventure.  You know what I'm talking about, pot heads!