DONKEY PUNCH

Donkey Punch
2008


Director:  Olly Blackburn




Screenwriters:
Olly Blackburn and David Bloom




I woke up thirsty for blood today, so I did what any normal person would do in this situation.  I ran my fingers through a stack of DVDs until one caught my eye.  Girls in bikinis on the cover with the tag line "This Party is Going Overboard".  My smile widened as I turned it over.  It read blah, blah, blah, sex, drugs, and blood.  SOLD!

I slipped Donkey Punch into the DVD player.  A warning screen popped up preaching some shit about this being strictly for entertainment purposes and the production company isn't responsible for it.  I am so astonished how something so perverted could have slipped by my mind because all I had to do was google "donkey" and my friend Wikipedia informed me what a donkey punch is.  Needless to say, all I could think about while meeting the three female characters was which one is gonna get it.  Out of the guys I naturally assumed the obnoxious asshole of the four who was feeding the girls ecstasy and hits of crack would eventually reveal himself as the dirty culprit. (Obviously I missed all their names due to my wild imagination.)

To my surprise, I must admit that this movie had more to it than what I credited it for.  Pretty much, the rich boys have a yacht where they easily lure the girls for party time.  Drugs plus flirting equals a threesome being filmed.  Through peer pressure, the shy guy of the group gets too into it and fatally donkey punches the one girl.  Everybody freaks out and literally changes characters.  Ironically, the macho man turns into the pussy of the group and suddenly the geeky killer knows what he's doing.  Naturally, the guys and girls fight over calling the cops and disposing of evidence, and then bodies start to drop!

Shockingly, the girls slowly slaughter the boys, but not in the usual vengeful way.  Each death was actually noteworthy and made the movie unique and worth watching.  The macho man was first to go.  A quick stab in the chest left him there helpless and dying.  Then, the snotty yacht-owner boy tried to get tough with the girls and to his surprise, got shot with a flare gun.  Out of nowhere he lit up like a fucking firecracker and before long his manly voice was sent back to puberty.  The third death has to be my favorite considering one of the girls found this fucking magical chainsaw conveniently laying around and ready to go.  She came out like Leatherface and messed this guy up, spraying everyone with blood.  I, along with the remaining characters, stared in disbelief.  I know, it's crazy and weird, but it was awesome how these chicks were just going berserk and taking over!  Finally, after Leatherface killed herself, the surviving guy and girl took off in a small emergency boat where the final death match began.  Before the guy could even think about stabbing the girl, she tied the docking rope around his neck.  He flew overboard as my ears filled with the crackling sounds from his neck breaking.

The credits rolled as she shot another flare into the sky.  Yet another magic trick triggered as a rescue plane flew immediately into sight.  I must admit, the labels for this was dead on.  "Pure Nasty Fun.  A Bloody Blast."


For those of you still asking yourself what the fuck a donkey punch is.. you can thank Wikipedia for educating us all..
"Donkey punch is slang term for an apocryphal and potentially lethal sexual practice supposedly performed during anal or vaginal sex. The purported practice involves the penetrating partner punching the receiving partner in the back of the head or neck (what is known in boxing as a rabbit punch, after a technique to kill rabbits). The alleged goal is to cause the receiving partner's anal passage to tense up, thereby increasing the pleasure of the penetrating partner."