I MISS SHARK WEEK!

CHECK OUT THE VIDEO FIRST TO SET THE MOOD!


As Lady Gaga would say, "SHOW ME YOUR TEETH!"  Shark Week colored my television screen with blood all last week.  I must admit the shows are quite educational.  I learned that the first ever record of an American shark attack was in July of 1916.  And yup...it was in New Jersey!  Hmmm...perhaps MTV should have an episode of "Jersey Shore" dedicated to seeing which cast member can swim the furthest:)

Anyway, the reason I even chose this particular show, besides its cool name, "Blood in the Water", is because these first attacks influenced the movie Jaws.  I'm not a huge fan of Steven Spielberg, but even I have a soft spot for this movie.  I'm not even sure if it's the great white that makes me shit my pants, or the anxiety attack I feel coming on at the sight of miles and miles of ocean water.  Regardless, Jaws is a classic.  Period.

Unfortunately, there are so many movies that butcher the fear of sharks.  Deep Blue Sea was just too sci-fi for me.  Plain and simple...if it can't happen in real life, I don't want to watch it.  Sharks are scary enough, therefore, why the hell do you need to jazz them up with superpowers.  Blah...

Open Water really rubbed me the wrong way.  The movie states in bold letters that it is based on a true story.  Last time I checked, this story was about a couple who found themselves accidentally abandoned in the middle of the ocean when their boat left without them.  They were never found.  The movie was pretty much marketed this as a bloody shark movie.  Dammit...it worked because I definitely contributed to their bullshit profits by purchasing this DVD.

My complaint isn't even directed at the fact that they threw sharks in as bait so more people would watch it.  My problem is that the movie was too slow even for Clint Eastwood.  The R rating label came strictly from the pointless boob shot in the beginning of the movie, and there wasn't even a friggin' shark attack.  It was more like a shark bite.  They would have been better off exaggerating the fabrication of the possible shark theory.  I spent the whole time on edge for NO climax.

I recently watched the movie The Reef.  It was a typical, mediocre shark movie.  A group of people are stranded in the middle of the ocean yada yada yada, and then dunt dunt dunt dunt dunt dunt.  I do believe an hour passed before I saw the first shark of the film, but overall it was satisfyingly scary and rocked a few awesome shark attacks.

I must admit my favorite shark movie of all time is Jaws The Revenge.  I grew up watching this when I was a child who didn't realize that like 98% of all sequels suck.  Well this one landed in the thumbs up percentile in my opinion.  Please ignore the fact that it has been acknowledged as one of the worst movies ever on many peoples' hall of shame lists.  Fuck them:)

Every time I hear "The First Noel" Christmas carol I think of the opening blood bath shark attack!  I really like the transition from the unsettling ocean to the fish eye being cooked by a main character.  In the same scene, the first shark victim cuts himself by mistake, foreshadowing his violent death in the near future.  I mean, who cares if this film's plot was based on the ridiculous theory that the shark was the original killer from the first film.  The gore and sentimental value combined keeps it on top of my shark list.

A new shark movie comes out September 2.  shark Night 3D will probably not be worth the $13 ticket, but I'm pretty certain there will be boobs and blood!