AMERICAN HORROR STORY

Would you believe me if I told you that bombastic television show Glee originated in the same brains that American Horror Story is derived from?  It’s puzzling to imagine Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk with their legs crossed, sipping coffee, and brainstorming the tortuous scenes that will star their “Asylum” season nemesis,  “Bloody Face”.  All the while, both of these men knowing they previously created a show exploding with high school drama inside a flamboyant and talented circle of singers.  What a lucky “fly on the wall”. 

American Horror Story is the most paramount show on television right now.  Even if you find yourself to be one of few opposed to watching sixty minutes of terror, I’m sure the title still rings a bell of familiarity.  Although it is common to hear people bicker over which of the seasons is the best, I feel that most can agree that each and every one sailed above its expectations.   I can’t stress enough how impressive it is for a show to continue its ability to shock viewers in the following seasons.  Typically, the first is always the sharpest, and then it slowly start to dull and deteriorate as the years pass.  Sometimes it’s to the point where I wish I stopped watching certain shows after the first season. 

The design of AHS and how each season is completely unrelated to each other gives the show much more room to expand and find different paths of scare tactics.  It also helps that the same actors keep coming back as fresh new characters that viewers can fall in love with all over again.  Instead of each season picking up where it left off, like viewers are accustomed to, every first episode feels like the first time.  Although each season has its own unique cluster of gore in the opening sequence, they all share that spine tingling “dun…dun dun” classic tune. 

Most television shows star fresh faces that most aren’t familiar with.  Occasionally an A list actor will make an appearance to boost ratings, but it is unusually amazing how AHS signed Jessica Lange, Frances Conroy, and Dylan McDermott to pave the way to the show’s stardom.  Now four seasons deep, the series has not only added the expertise of Kathy Bates and Angela Bassett into the demented plots, but it also amplified, if not created, the names of Evan Peters and Sarah Paulson, amongst others.  In my opinion, the character development portrayed throughout the series is the key factor responsible for this type of success. 

I must admit, when I first heard of AHS coming out, I had my doubts solely for the reason it was premiering on FX and not a premium channel like HBO or Showtime.  I questioned how a show, let alone a horror series, could possibly succeed with a mature audience without the gore, violence, profanity, and sexuality, which is typically concealed on commercial airing channels.  When I saw Dylan McDermott “pleasuring” himself in the first season, I realized how inaccurate my assumption was. 

American Horror Story is appropriately raw and explicit, and the seasons seem to progressively advance their shock value.  I have only seen one episode of Freak Show so far, and it is already apparent the trend is continuing as presumed. 

ASS KICKER

I TEND TO DESCRIBE MYSELF AS AN OBSERVANT BEING WHO SUBCONSCIOUSLY ENJOYS PEOPLE WATCHING.  SOMETIMES I CREATE BACKSTORIES FOR RANDOM STRANGERS I HAVE NEVER MET BEFORE.  PERHAPS SOME JOGGERS IN THE PARK HIDE TREACHEROUS SECRETS FROM THE CROWD WHILE OTHERS KEEP THEIR GENIUS ACHIEVEMENTS FROM PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE.  THOUGHTS AS SUCH HAVE CROSSED MY MIND, BUT I MORE OFTEN PONDER WHO IS THE BADDEST MOTHER FUCKER IN THIS ROOM.  

WHETHER I'M IN THE GYM, AT THE MALL, OR CRUISING ON THE ROAD, I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND THINK, IF THOSE TWO GUYS BROKE OUT IN A FIGHT RIGHT NOW, WHO WOULD BE THE LAST STANDING.  IT'S INTERESTING TO TAKE PEOPLE'S ATTITUDES MIXED WITH THEIR STYLE AND MENTALITY TO MEASURE THEIR DETERMINATION, OR AT LEAST THINK WHO I WOULD LEAST LIKE TO TAKE A PUNCH IN THE FACE FROM.  I ALSO WONDER IF SOME GUYS ACT TOUGHER THAN THEY ACTUALLY ARE.  I HAVE A FEELING MY GUILTY PLEASURE FOR FIGHTING MOVIES INFLUENCES MY LOGIC.  

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I AM ACTUALLY A NON-VIOLENT PERSON.  I JUST REALLY ENJOY WATCHING VILLAINS GETTING THEIR ATTITUDES ADJUSTED ON SCREEN.  I ALSO TEND TO ACKNOWLEDGE JUST HOW TENACIOUS THE LEAD ENEMY IS.   EVER SINCE I WAS LITTLE, I WOULD WATCH MOVIES SUCH AS KICKBOXER,  BLOODSPORT, SHOOTFIGHTER:  FIGHT TO THE DEATH, ONLY THE STRONG, AND BEST OF THE BEST.  THEN I WOULD GO ON MY FRONT LAWN AND MIX A BUNCH OF KICKS AND PUNCHES TOGETHER FOR ABOUT THIRTY SECONDS WHEN MY LITTLE, FIVE-YEAR OLD BODY WOULD TIRE OUT.  NOW LOOKING BACK, I HOPE MY NEIGHBORS DIDN'T THINK I HAD DOWN SYNDROME.  

I HAVE TO ADMIT, KICKBOXER WAS ALWAYS MY FAVORITE, BUT NOT BECAUSE I ADMIRED JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME SO MUCH.  IT WAS MORE LIKE HIS NEMESIS IN THIS PARTICULAR FILM SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME.  TONG PO'S CHARACTER IS PLAYED BY MICHEL QISSI, AND STILL TO THIS DAY, I'M NOT QUITE SURE IF HE IS JUST THAT INTIMIDATING LOOKING, OR JUST UGLY AS SIN.  EITHER WAY, I THINK HE COULD BEAT UP ALL THE OTHER BAD GUYS AT THE SAME TIME...PROBABLY WITH ONLY ONE ARM AND HIS BRAID OF COURSE.  

BLOODSPORT WAS ANOTHER ONE OF VAN DAMME'S FILMS AND IS ALSO A CLASSIC.  BOLO YEUNG PLAYS CHONG LEE WHO IRONICALLY IS A BRUTAL FIGHTER IN THIS MOVIE, YET IN SHOOTFIGHTER:  FIGHT TO THE DEATH, HE IS A CHILDREN'S KARATE INSTRUCTOR.  TALK ABOUT AWKWARD.  HE IS ALSO A SCARY MAN, REGARDLESS OF THE CHARACTER HE IS PLAYING.  BECAUSE OF THIS ONE, I AM FOREVER SCARRED WITH THE SIGHT OF A COMPOUND FRACTURE.  IT'S ALMOST AS DISTURBING AS WATCHING VAN DAMME BEING FORCED INTO A SPLIT.  I GOT THE HEEBIE JEEBIES JUST FROM TYPING "SPLIT".  

ONLY THE STRONG IS A TAD DIFFERENT IN THE SENSE THAT IT TAKES PLACE IN A SCHOOL.  INSTEAD OF THE MAIN CHARACTER PARTICIPATING IN FIGHTING TOURNAMENTS IN ORDER TO DELIVER THEIR REVENGE, THIS FLICK'S MAIN CHARACTER USES HIS ABILITIES TO CLEAN UP A VIOLENT HIGH SCHOOL WHILE PROTECTING THE INNOCENT.  IT IS SIMILAR TO THE SUBSTITUTE WITH TOM BERENGER.  

BEST OF THE BEST IS PRETTY PROMINENT IN THIS GENRE BECAUSE IT JUST LOOKS LIKE THEY HAD A BIGGER BUDGET TO WORK WITH COMPARED TO THE OTHER FILMS.  EVEN THOUGH THEY ALL WERE MADE IN THE LATE EIGHTIES AND EARLY NINETIES, I THINK BEST OF THE BEST 1&2 HAVE A MORE MODERNIZED FEEL TO THEM.  THEY ALSO HAVE SOME DECENT MOVIE STARS INCLUDING ERIC ROBERTS, PHILLIP RHEE, AND EVEN CHRIS PENN AND WAYNE NEWTON IN THE SECOND SEQUEL.  

YOU MAY THINK JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME IS A PUSSY, BUT ERIC ROBERTS IS THE MAN!  I MET ERIC ROBERTS AT A MONSTER MANIA CONVENTION YEARS AGO, AND HE LEANED ON ME TO HOLD HIMSELF UP FOR THE PICTURE.  I THINK HE POPPED A BUNCH OF PILLS BECAUSE HE WAS NERVOUS TO MEET ME...

RIP

I TEND TO ADMIRE UNIQUE, SUPPORTING CHARACTERS IN TELEVISION SHOWS AND MOVIES.  I ALSO HAVE AN ODD WAY OF KNOWING WHICH ONES ARE GOING TO EVENTUALLY DIE ON SCREEN BECAUSE THEY'RE OFTEN MY FAVORITE CHARACTER.  COINCIDENCE?  UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME I CAN'T RESIST GROWING EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS WITH CERTAIN ON SCREEN HEROES AND VILLAINS, AND WHEN THEY DIE IT FUCKS UP MY DAY TO SAY THE LEAST.  

QUITE RECENTLY, GAME OF THRONES' KING JOFFREY FILLED SOMEONE'S EARS TO THE BRIM WITH HIS WHINEY, TEENAGE WAILING BECAUSE HE FINALLY SAID HIS LAST WORDS...OR LACK THERE OF.  EVERYBODY KNEW HE HAD IT COMING, BUT IT'S STILL UPSETTING TO SEE HIM GO.  EVEN THE NASTIEST CHARACTERS CAN BRING SUBSTANCE AND PASSION TO A PLOT, AND HE WAS AS BRUTAL AS THEY COME.  REST IN PEACE, JOFFREY.  YOUR IRRATIONAL, YET SUSPENSEFUL AND UNPREDICTABLE VIOLENCE WILL BE MISSED.  

ONE OF HIS ASSHOLE MOVES WAS TURNING A GIFT FROM HIS UNCLE INTO A CRIME SCENE.  WHO WOULD EVEN THINK TO TURN PRETTY PROSTITUTES INTO TARGET PRACTICE?  ONE OF MY FAVORITES WAS LOST THAT NIGHT ON JOFFREY'S BEHALF.  ROS WAS THE WITTY HEAD OF LITTLE FINGER'S WORKING LADIES.  THE SHOW REALLY CONTRIBUTED SOME TIME INTO BUILDING HER PERSONALITY UP A BIT FOR HIM TO JUST DISCARD HER THE WAY HE DID.  HER DEATH DELIVERED A DARK CLOUD TO MY DAY JUST AS DROGO'S DEATH DID.  

I MUST ADMIT, THE MOST INTENSE LOSS OF A CHARACTER I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED WAS WHEN ADIBISI WAS SHANKED ON HBO'S OZ.  THAT WAS A ROUGH DAY FOR ME.  OZ IMPRISONED AN IMMENSE AMOUNT OF CHARACTERS, THEREFORE HAVING THE FREEDOM AND ABILITY TO KILL OFF MAIN CHARACTERS AS WELL AS CHARACTERS WHO WERE JUST INTRODUCED EARLIER IN THE EPISODE.  THERE WAS A LOT OF DEATH AND BLED SHED ON THE SHOW, AND IT WAS OFTEN SPONTANEOUSLY BUT ALSO STRATEGICALLY PLACED THROUGHOUT THE SIX SEASONS.  ADIBISI WAS THE MOST PSYCHOTIC AND BAD ASS CHARACTER ON THE SHOW AND IT WAS NOT OKAY HOW HE WENT OUT!  MY APOLOGIES TO ANYONE I WAS RUDE TO DURING THE WEEK I WATCHED THAT EPISODE IN SEASON FOUR.  

JUST A WHILE BACK THERE WAS MADISON ON AMERICAN HORROR STORY COVEN.  THANK GOODNESS THE WITCHES FIGURED OUT HOW TO BRING THAT BITCH BACK TO LIFE WITH A SPELL BECAUSE SHE WAS RELEVANTLY CRUCIAL TO THE SHOW.  HER DEATH WAS JUST ABOUT AS HEART WRENCHING AS IT WAS TO WATCH LITTLE ADELAIDE GET SQUASHED BY A CAR IN THE FIRST SEASON.  

AS SOON AS I PRESSED PLAY ON MY REMOTE CONTROL AND STARTED THE VERY FIRST EPISODE OF SPARTICUS, I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM AND HIS WIFE, SURA.  AND THEN A COUPLE MINUTES LATER SURA GOT KIDNAPPED AND I ASSUMED HER DEAD.  THE THOUGHT OF HER AL IVE WAS BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE ONLY TO ACTUALLY WATCH HER DIE ON SCREEN.  WHAT THE FUCK...WHY DID SHE HAVE TO BE SO BEAUTIFUL...

WITH THE FINAL SEASON OF TRUE BLOOD COMING UP, I'M AFRAID TO REVEAL MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS.  EVEN THOUGH THE SERIES FINALE IS KIND OF SIMILAR TO ALL THE CHARACTERS DYING, I WOULD STILL PREFER TO SEE MY FAVORITES EAT RATHER THAN BE EATEN!  

SOMETIMES THEY COME BACK

SOMETIMES THEY COME BACK, AND I'M NOT REFERRING TO THE 1991 STEPHEN KING FILM.  I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT CHARACTER IN YOUR FAVORITE SHOW WHOSE SCREEN TIME SLOWLY STARTS TO DISINTEGRATE.  THE WRITERS DIDN'T EXACTLY PROVIDE YOU WITH THE CLOSURE OF NEVER SEEING THAT CHARACTER AGAIN, YET YOU CAN'T HELP BUT TO WONDER IF THE ACTOR HAD TO LEAVE DUE TO ILLNESS, PREGNANCY, OR SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY FOUND A BETTER SHOW TO CONTRIBUTE THEIR TALENTS TO.  AND THEN ONE DAY, THAT CHARACTER COMES BACK OUT OF THE BLUE.  

MOST RECENTLY MY HEART WAS TICKLED BY THE FOURTH SEASON FINALE OF SHAMELESS.  THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SEASON I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR FIONA'S SOULMATE, THE GUY NAMED STEVE WHO WAS BORN JIMMY AND NOW GOES BY JACK, TO SLIDE HIMSELF BACK INTO THE SHAMELESS GALLAGHER SHACK.  THE MOMENT I LOST HOPE WHILE THE ENDING CREDITS BEGAN TO SURFACE, STEVE DID IT AGAIN.  HE SHOWED UP REASSURING THE VIEWERS THAT TRUE LOVE DOES EXIST IN STRANGE SITUATIONS.  HIS SNEAKY APPEARANCE THAT WAS FORESHADOWED IN NUMEROUS EPISODES REMINDED THE AUDIENCE THAT WHEN YOU FIND THE ONE PERSON WHO YOUR SOUL CONNECTS WITH, YOU'LL NEVER STOP THINKING ABOUT THEM.  

ALTHOUGH FICTIONAL LOVE STORIES TEND TO EASILY ANNOY ME, THERE ARE A FEW THAT ARE JUST WRITTEN AND BUILT UP SO WELL THAT I CAN'T HELP BUT TO FEEL THE ON-SCREEN CONNECTION.  ANYONE WHO HAS EVER BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE CAN CERTAINLY RELATE TO SEEING TWO PEOPLE LOOK AT EACH OTHER ON THAT INTENSE, EUPHORIC LEVEL.  SOMETIMES TWO PEOPLE JUST FIT TOGETHER LIKE PUZZLE PIECES.  

IF YOU'RE NOT A SHAMELESS FAN, THEN I'M SURE YOU'VE CONNECTED WITH A CHARACTER ON ANOTHER SHOW.  MAYBE THAT INFAMOUS MR. BIG STOLE YOUR HEART WHILE CHASING CARRIE BRADSHAW IN SEX AND THE CITY.  ALTHOUGH I'VE ALWAYS WISHED AIDAN WOULD BE THE ONE TO COME BACK AND STEAL HER HEART, MY EYES STILL SWELL WITH TEARS WHEN THINKING OF THAT SECOND TO LAST EPISODE  OF THE SERIES WHEN THE GIRLS TELL MR. BIG TO "GO GET OUR GIRL" RIGHT BEFORE HE RESCUES HER IN PARIS.  

I ALSO LABEL STEVE AS A COME BACK CHARACTER ON SEX AND THE CITY.  OUT OF ALL MIRANDA'S BOYFRIENDS, STEVE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO FIT HER LIKE A PUZZLE PIECE.  I MEAN COME ON, IF YOU DID NOT SHED A TEAR WHEN THOSE TWO REUNITED ON THE BRIDGE, THEN CLEARLY YOU HAVE EMOTIONAL ISSUES! 

TRUE BLOOD HOLDS A BIT OF A DIFFERENT EXAMPLE OF WHAT I'M EXPLAINING HERE.  ALTHOUGH BILL'S SCREEN TIME HAS NOT SHRIVELED UP, IT'S STILL AWKWARD TO SEE SOOKIE WITH OTHER MEN.  I'M HONESTLY NOT EVEN A FAN OF BILL, BUT HIS CHARACTER LACKS SPARK AND SUBSTANCE WITHOUT HER BY HIS SIDE.  I WONDER IF BILL WILL "COME BACK" TO SOOKIE IN THIS UPCOMING AND FINAL SEASON...

CHAINED

2012

DIRECTOR:  JENNIFER CHAMBERS LYNCH
WRITERS:  DAMIAN O'DONNELL AND JENNIFER CHAMBERS LYNCH
STARRING:  VINCENT D'ONOFRIO,  EAMON FARREN, AND EVAN BIRD

I WOKE UP EARLY THIS MORNING AND THOUGHT WHAT I ALWAYS THINK WHEN I HAVE SPARE TIME...LET ME FIND THE BLOODIEST FUCKING MOVIE I CAN THAT'S FREE ON DEMAND.  SO I CAME ACROSS CHAINED WHICH IS NEWLY ADDED.  AS I STARTED IT, I DID MY TYPICAL IMDB RESEARCH TO BROWSE THROUGH THE SYNOPSIS ALONG WITH A FEW REVIEWS TO SEE WHAT TO EXPECT.  

TO MY SURPRISE, THE VIEWER'S RATINGS WERE PRETTY FAVORABLE.  MOST INSISTED IT WAS HARD TO WATCH, YET HAD POWERFUL ACTING IN IT.  I MUST ADMIT, I WAS A LITTLE UNEASY AT FIRST AND WAS EXPECTING THE WORST.  IS IT ODD THAT MY VERSION OF GRUESOMELY VIOLENT SCENES WERE WAY MORE HARDCORE THAN THE ACTUAL SCENES THE REVIEWERS WERE REFERRING TO?  I MEAN, THE ONLY TIME I LITERALLY CRINGED IS WHEN ONE CHARACTER WAS STITCHING UP A WOUND.  I'M NOT SURE IF MY MIND IS SO DEMENTED FROM WATCHING HORROR MOVIES, OR IF ALL OF THESE REVIEWS WERE WRITTEN BY PEOPLE WHO TYPICALLY FIND THEMSELVES STARRING AT A TELEVISION WHERE LITTLE DISNEY CHARACTERS DANCE ACROSS THE SCREEN.

CHAINED IS ABOUT A SERIAL KILLER WHO CAPTURES THE SON OF ONE OF HIS VICTIMS AND TRAINS HIM TO BE A HELPER IN A WAY.  HE CHAINS HIM UP FOR YEARS, TRANSFORMING HIM INTO A SERVANT WHO COOKS AND CLEANS UP THE GORE THAT SPILLS FROM ALL THE WOMEN, BUT HE ALSO DEVELOPS A TWISTED FATHER/SON RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.  ALTHOUGH THE KILLER IS A VICOUS ATTACKER WHO RUTHLESSLY RAPES AND MURDERS WOMEN WITHOUT REMORSE, HE DOES NOT ENDURE THIS BEHAVIOR ON THE KID.  I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY THIS IS FUCKED UP NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT, BUT I JUST WANT TO EMPHASIZE HOW THE KILLER IS MORE INTERESTED IN TAKING THE BOY UNDER HIS WING AS OPPOSED TO HARMING HIM.  THIS FORESHADOWS THE TWIST AT THE END.  

OVERALL, I THOUGHT THIS MOVIE WAS A SUCCESS.  I DO AGREE THAT THE ACTING IS FLAWLESS.  VINCENT D'ONOFRIO IS ON POINT WITH HIS CHARACTER AND REALLY NAILS THE SERIAL KILLER PERSONA.  EAMON FARREN IS CONSISTENTLY SOLID AND PERFECTS THE TRANSITIONING OF HIS ABUSED CHARACTER'S PROGRESSION.

I ESPECIALLY LOVE HOW THE MOVIE IS TOLD FROM THE KILLER'S PERSPECTIVE.  IT'S LIKE WE ARE INSIDE THE MONSTER'S HEAD THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE STORY WHICH IS UNIQUE FOR FILMS LIKE THIS.  WE EVEN SEE FLASHBACKS OF THE SERIAL KILLER BEING ABUSED AS A YOUNG BOY, ALLOWING US TO FULLY ABSORB HIS CHARACTER AS A WHOLE.  ALTHOUGH THIS WAS NOT THE MOST DISTURBING MOVIE THAT HAS EVER SCARRED ME, THERE ARE SOME TWISTED VISIONS DISPLAYED.  

THERE ARE TWO THINGS I FOUND MYSELF SHAKING MY HEAD OVER.  THE ENDING CONTAINS A TWIST, HOWEVER, I FEEL IT WAS RANDOM AND UNNECESSARY.  THIS MOVIE IS ROOTED THROUGH A CHARACTER DRIVEN PLOT AND WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST AS EFFECTIVE WITHOUT THE TWIST.  I'M NOT SAYING THE LAST SCENES WERE TERRIBLE, THEY JUST WERE NOT JAW DROPPING.  

SECONDLY, I AM INTRIGUED BY REAL LIFE SERIAL KILLERS AND AM SOMEWHAT FAMILIAR WITH THEIR MANNERISMS.  DESPITE THE FACT I THOUGHT THIS WAS ESSENTIALLY EXECUTED, I FOUND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THE KILLER WAS NOT AS OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE AS I WOULD REALISTICALLY IMAGINE HIM TO BE.  AFTER KILLING HIS PREY, HE ROUTINELY GOES THROUGH THEIR WALLET AND KEEPS THEIR CASH AND DRIVER'S LICENSES.  TYPICALLY, KILLERS TREASURE THESE ITEMS AS THEIR TROPHIES, OR REMINDERS OF THEIR CONTROL AND KILLING CONQUESTS.  THINK ABOUT DEXTER FOR EXAMPLE.  HE KEPT HIS BLOOD SLIDES HIDDEN AND ONLY DELICATELY TOUCHED THEM.   THE PREDATOR IN THIS MOVIE CHAOTICALLY THROWS THE CASH INTO A JAR.  HE ALSO PLAYS A GAME WITH THE LICENSES AND DEALS THEM OUT LIKE A DECK OF CARDS.  MY POINT IS, THE FACT THAT THE CHARACTER DOESN'T CHERISH HIS TROPHIES IS A TAD UNREALISTIC.  

I GENUINELY DIG THE FACT THAT THIS MOVIE WAS WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY A WOMAN.  CONSIDERING JENNIFER CHAMBERS LYNCH IS THE DAUGHTER OF DAVID LYNCH, HER TWISTED, YET BRILLIANT AND UNIQUE STYLE IS SELF-EVIDENTLY JUSTIFIED.  

JUST ONE OF THE GUYS

1985

DIRECTOR:  LISA GOTTLIEB
WRITERS:  DENNIS FELDMAN (SCREENPLAY AND STORY) AND JEFF FRANKLIN (SCREENPLAY)
ACTORS:  JOYCE HYSER, CLAYTON ROHNER, BILLY JAYNE, TONI HUDSON, AND WILLIAM ZABKA

I LOVE THE EIGHTIES AND I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW IT!  ALTHOUGH THIS FILM AND I SHARE THE SAME BIRTH YEAR, I GREW UP WATCHING IT.  I SUPPOSE MY CONSTANT HAT WEARING AND TOM BOY STYLE IS WHAT ENCOURAGED ME TO VIEW IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.  MOVE OVER, TOOTSIE AND MRS. DOUBTFIRE...GUYS ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES CROSS DRESSING NOW! 

JUST ONE OF THE GUYS IS ABOUT A GIRL WHO TRANSFORMS INTO A BOY.  SHE DOES NOT PERFORM THIS TRANSITION TO FULFILL  SEXUAL NEEDS, NOR TO RECEIVE ATTENTION.  THE REASONING BEHIND HER MADNESS IS TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED FOR HER WRITING TALENT AS OPPOSED TO HER DELICATE FACE AND CURVY BODY.  

TERI HAS EVERYTHING A HIGH SCHOOLER COULD WANT.  SHE'S A BEAUTIFUL, YET  ASTUTE GIRL WITH A HANDSOME BOYFRIEND.  OBVIOUSLY, THIS IS JUST NOT ENOUGH WHEN SHE REALIZES SHE IS BEING STEREOTYPED BECAUSE OF HER GENDER AND SHORT SKIRTS.  

WHEN TERI ATTEMPTS TO INQUIRE ABOUT THE STATUS OF HER JOURNALISM STORY THAT SHE GAVE TO HER TEACHER TO ENTER INTO A COMPETITION, SHE OVER HEARS HIM DISCUSSING INAPPROPRIATE THINGS ABOUT HER WITH ANOTHER MALE TEACHER.  THIS LEADS HER TO BELIEVE THE ONLY REASON HER STORY WAS NOT CHOSEN IS BECAUSE SHE IS SOLELY LOOKED AT AS A SEX OBJECT.  SO, TERI DOES WHAT MOST EIGHTIES WOMEN WOULD NOT DARE TO EVEN PONDER ABOUT.  SHE TRANSFERS SCHOOLS AND SUBMITS THE SAME PAPER, BUT THIS TIME AS A MALE.  WHEN SHE LEARNS HER STORY STILL LACKS POTENTIAL, SHE MUST THINK OF A NEW IDEA TO SUBMIT WHILE SHE LEARNS HOW TO BLEND IN AS JUST ANOTHER GUY IN THE HALLWAYS.  

OBVIOUSLY, IT IS GOING TO TAKE MORE THAN JUST A DEEPER VOICE  FOR TERI TO DISENGAGE HERSELF FROM ALL HER FEMININITY IN ORDER TO KEEP HER "TITS" A SECRET.   TERI CONFIDES IN HER YOUNGER BROTHER WHO IS AN OBNOXIOUS AND HORNY VIRGIN ON THE HUNT FOR HIS FIRST PIECE OF...ACTION.  WITH HIS HELP, TERI LEARNS TO TALK, WALK, AND EVEN SCRATCH HER BALLS LIKE A MAN.  SHE ALSO HAS TO GET CREATIVE WHEN IT COMES TO "SKINS VS SHIRTS" IN GYM CLASS, AVOIDING GIRLS WHO WANT TO TOUCH HER PACKAGE, AND OUTWITTING HER MACHO NEMESIS.  WILLIAM ZABKA PLAYS THE BULLY AND HE IS THE SAME DICK HEAD CHARACTER HE WAS IN THE KARATE KID.  

OF COURSE I FAVOR THIS MOVIE BECAUSE I HAVE ALWAYS DREAMED OF HAVING THE ABILITY TO PEE STANDING UP, BUT WITH ALL BALLS, I MEAN JOKING ASIDE,  ITS CORE WILL CRACK EVERYBODY UP, REGARDLESS OF GENDER AND SEXUALITY!  

I MET JOYCE HYSER AT A MONSTER MANIA MOVIE CONVENTION IN CHERRY HILL, NJ.  SHE IS AWESOME TO SAY THE LEAST, AND MY LOVE FOR HER ABSOLUTELY SKY ROCKETED WHEN SHE AGREED TO DO MY SUGGESTED POSE FOR OUR PICTURE!  HER DOWN TO EARTH PERSONALITY AND GENUINE LOVE FOR PEOPLE CAN BE SEEN THROUGH HER FACEBOOK PAGE.  YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, WE'RE FACEBOOK FRIENDS;)  

GAME OF THRONES

2011-2013
CREATORS:  DAVID BENIOFF AND D.B. WEISS
STARRING:  EMILIA CLARKE, SEAN BEAN, PETER DINKLAGE, LENA HEADEY, AND KIT HARINGTON

THIS IS QUITE OUT OF CHARACTER TO INCLUDE IN MY BLOG, HOWEVER, SOMETHING WORTHY ENOUGH TO INFLUENCE ME TO BUY TWO SEASONS AND WATCH THE THIRD ON MY COMPUTER HAS A RIGHT TO BE ON HERE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WATCH A FIGHT SCENE ON YOUR COMPUTER WITH CONSTANT SKIPS AND SYNC FAILURES?

I LOVE GAME OF THRONES.  I'M ACTUALLY GRATEFUL I MISSED THIS SHOW WHILE IT WAS AIRING.  WITH ALL DO RESPECT, HBO, I WAS ABLE TO WATCH THREE SEASONS IN TWO WEEKS AS OPPOSED TO THREE YEARS.  

THIS IS ONE OF THOSE SHOWS THAT CAN NEVER BE VIEWED ON A NON PREMIUM CHANNEL AS A RESULT OF BLOOD AND SEX FILLING THE SCREEN THREE QUARTERS OF THE TIME.  IT IS VERY SIMILAR TO ROME AND SPARTACUS IN THE SENSE THAT THEY ALL TAKE PLACE IN A TIME LONG AGO WHEN DECAPITATION WAS A DAILY OCCURRENCE, THE KING IS AN ASSHOLE WHO IS CONSTANTLY AVOIDING OTHER ASSHOLES TRYING TO KILL HIM, AND YOU WISH ALL 239,387 CHARACTERS WORE NAME TAGS WITH PRONUNCIATION IN PARENTHESES.  I ALSO FIND IT QUITE ODD THAT EVERY CHARACTER IS ALWAYS  OVERWHELMINGLY SEXY OR ABSOLUTELY NAUSEATING.  THERE'S JUST NO IN BETWEEN WITH THIS.  

ALTHOUGH THIS STORY-LINE IS KILLER, I MUST ADMIT THAT ROME AND SPARTACUS WERE STUFFED WITH MORE ACTION AND SHED MORE BLOOD.  ROME IN PARTICULAR WAS UNMISTAKABLY HEAVIER IN ITS INTENSITY.  I THINK IT IS FAIR TO SAY THAT A FEW PARTS ARE SO RAW THEY ARE SCARRING.  I HAVE NOT WATCHED ROME IN YEARS, YET I CAN STILL VISUALIZE A RAPE SCENE AND WHAT CAN BE MISCONSTRUED AS CHILD PORNOGRAPHY.  GAME OF THRONES REDEEMS ITSELF WITH ITS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTS AND PLOT.  I DO WISH THOUGH, CONSIDERING THE AMOUNT OF CHARACTERS LISTED ON IMDB, MORE PEOPLE WOULD DIE MORE OFTEN.  

ASIDE FROM THIS, THE ONLY INCONSISTENCY I DEEPLY DESPISE IN GAME OF THRONES IS ROB STARK'S STORY-LINE .  I JUST FEEL HIS CHARACTER WAS NOT PAINTED PROFESSIONALLY NOR PASSIONATELY.  I DON'T KNOW IF I AM FOR OR AGAINST HIM BECAUSE I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HIS CHARACTER.  I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO HE WAS IN THE FIRST SEASON, YET THE SECOND SEASON HE SUDDENLY GAINS POWER AND HIS SCREEN TIME INCREASES.  I  FEEL HIS COMPLEXION IS LACKING QUALITIES THAT FORCE YOU TO LOVE OR HATE HIM.  INSTEAD, I JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM.  AS A MATTER OF FACT, KING JOFFREY'S CHARACTER IS SO SOLID THAT VIEWERS ROOT FOR THE NORTH JUST BECAUSE THEY DETEST JOFFREY SO MUCH.  THERE'S NO CHARACTER WHOSE DEATH I ANXIOUSLY AWAIT MORE THAN JOFFREY'S, BUT HEY, THAT'S WHAT PIERCING CHARACTER BUILDING IS ALL ABOUT.  

BY THE LOOKS OF THE PICTURES I'VE CHOSEN, IT IS QUITE PELLUCID WHO MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IS!  EMILIA CLARKE PLAYS DANERYS TARGARYEN, THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS.  IRONICALLY, SHE DOES NOT HAVE AS MUCH SCREEN TIME AS THE OTHER MAIN CHARACTERS, HOWEVER, EVERYBODY LOVES THIS BITCH! HER CHARACTER IS SO RICH IN DESCRIPTION, I LITERALLY FEEL LIKE I'VE WATCHED HER GROW UP OVER THE SEASONS.  THE FIRST TIME SHE WAS INTRODUCED, I HAD SYMPATHY IN MY HEART WHICH LED ME TO BELIEVE SHE IS A WEAK GIRL OVERWHELMED WITH VULNERABILITY AND INEXPERIENCE.  WELL TO SAY THE LEAST, SHE HAS TAUGHT ME ALONG WITH THE OTHER CHARACTERS ON THE SHOW TO NOT MISCONSTRUE HER KINDNESS AND TIMOROUS STEPS FOR WEAKNESS.  

I TRULY BELIEVE IN MY HEART THAT IF AND WHEN HER FIRE EXPLODES ON KING JOFFREY, THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ALL OVER THE COUNTRY WILL GIVE HER AND THE SHOW'S CREATORS A STANDING OVATION.  NOT ONLY IS DANERYS ONE OF THE BEST CHARACTERS I'VE EVER SEEN ON TELEVISION, BUT SHE AND HER HUSBAND ARE THE MOST ATTRACTIVE ON-SCREEN COUPLE MY EYES HAVE EVER BEEN EXPOSED TO.  HEY BILL AND SOOKIE, YOU WISH YOU WERE THIS HOT.  

P.S.  EMILIA CLARKE, I WISHED YOU CHECKED YOUR TWITTER ACCOUNT...I'VE BEEN BLOWING YOU UP!