ASS KICKER

I TEND TO DESCRIBE MYSELF AS AN OBSERVANT BEING WHO SUBCONSCIOUSLY ENJOYS PEOPLE WATCHING.  SOMETIMES I CREATE BACKSTORIES FOR RANDOM STRANGERS I HAVE NEVER MET BEFORE.  PERHAPS SOME JOGGERS IN THE PARK HIDE TREACHEROUS SECRETS FROM THE CROWD WHILE OTHERS KEEP THEIR GENIUS ACHIEVEMENTS FROM PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE.  THOUGHTS AS SUCH HAVE CROSSED MY MIND, BUT I MORE OFTEN PONDER WHO IS THE BADDEST MOTHER FUCKER IN THIS ROOM.  

WHETHER I'M IN THE GYM, AT THE MALL, OR CRUISING ON THE ROAD, I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND THINK, IF THOSE TWO GUYS BROKE OUT IN A FIGHT RIGHT NOW, WHO WOULD BE THE LAST STANDING.  IT'S INTERESTING TO TAKE PEOPLE'S ATTITUDES MIXED WITH THEIR STYLE AND MENTALITY TO MEASURE THEIR DETERMINATION, OR AT LEAST THINK WHO I WOULD LEAST LIKE TO TAKE A PUNCH IN THE FACE FROM.  I ALSO WONDER IF SOME GUYS ACT TOUGHER THAN THEY ACTUALLY ARE.  I HAVE A FEELING MY GUILTY PLEASURE FOR FIGHTING MOVIES INFLUENCES MY LOGIC.  

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I AM ACTUALLY A NON-VIOLENT PERSON.  I JUST REALLY ENJOY WATCHING VILLAINS GETTING THEIR ATTITUDES ADJUSTED ON SCREEN.  I ALSO TEND TO ACKNOWLEDGE JUST HOW TENACIOUS THE LEAD ENEMY IS.   EVER SINCE I WAS LITTLE, I WOULD WATCH MOVIES SUCH AS KICKBOXER,  BLOODSPORT, SHOOTFIGHTER:  FIGHT TO THE DEATH, ONLY THE STRONG, AND BEST OF THE BEST.  THEN I WOULD GO ON MY FRONT LAWN AND MIX A BUNCH OF KICKS AND PUNCHES TOGETHER FOR ABOUT THIRTY SECONDS WHEN MY LITTLE, FIVE-YEAR OLD BODY WOULD TIRE OUT.  NOW LOOKING BACK, I HOPE MY NEIGHBORS DIDN'T THINK I HAD DOWN SYNDROME.  

I HAVE TO ADMIT, KICKBOXER WAS ALWAYS MY FAVORITE, BUT NOT BECAUSE I ADMIRED JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME SO MUCH.  IT WAS MORE LIKE HIS NEMESIS IN THIS PARTICULAR FILM SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME.  TONG PO'S CHARACTER IS PLAYED BY MICHEL QISSI, AND STILL TO THIS DAY, I'M NOT QUITE SURE IF HE IS JUST THAT INTIMIDATING LOOKING, OR JUST UGLY AS SIN.  EITHER WAY, I THINK HE COULD BEAT UP ALL THE OTHER BAD GUYS AT THE SAME TIME...PROBABLY WITH ONLY ONE ARM AND HIS BRAID OF COURSE.  

BLOODSPORT WAS ANOTHER ONE OF VAN DAMME'S FILMS AND IS ALSO A CLASSIC.  BOLO YEUNG PLAYS CHONG LEE WHO IRONICALLY IS A BRUTAL FIGHTER IN THIS MOVIE, YET IN SHOOTFIGHTER:  FIGHT TO THE DEATH, HE IS A CHILDREN'S KARATE INSTRUCTOR.  TALK ABOUT AWKWARD.  HE IS ALSO A SCARY MAN, REGARDLESS OF THE CHARACTER HE IS PLAYING.  BECAUSE OF THIS ONE, I AM FOREVER SCARRED WITH THE SIGHT OF A COMPOUND FRACTURE.  IT'S ALMOST AS DISTURBING AS WATCHING VAN DAMME BEING FORCED INTO A SPLIT.  I GOT THE HEEBIE JEEBIES JUST FROM TYPING "SPLIT".  

ONLY THE STRONG IS A TAD DIFFERENT IN THE SENSE THAT IT TAKES PLACE IN A SCHOOL.  INSTEAD OF THE MAIN CHARACTER PARTICIPATING IN FIGHTING TOURNAMENTS IN ORDER TO DELIVER THEIR REVENGE, THIS FLICK'S MAIN CHARACTER USES HIS ABILITIES TO CLEAN UP A VIOLENT HIGH SCHOOL WHILE PROTECTING THE INNOCENT.  IT IS SIMILAR TO THE SUBSTITUTE WITH TOM BERENGER.  

BEST OF THE BEST IS PRETTY PROMINENT IN THIS GENRE BECAUSE IT JUST LOOKS LIKE THEY HAD A BIGGER BUDGET TO WORK WITH COMPARED TO THE OTHER FILMS.  EVEN THOUGH THEY ALL WERE MADE IN THE LATE EIGHTIES AND EARLY NINETIES, I THINK BEST OF THE BEST 1&2 HAVE A MORE MODERNIZED FEEL TO THEM.  THEY ALSO HAVE SOME DECENT MOVIE STARS INCLUDING ERIC ROBERTS, PHILLIP RHEE, AND EVEN CHRIS PENN AND WAYNE NEWTON IN THE SECOND SEQUEL.  

YOU MAY THINK JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME IS A PUSSY, BUT ERIC ROBERTS IS THE MAN!  I MET ERIC ROBERTS AT A MONSTER MANIA CONVENTION YEARS AGO, AND HE LEANED ON ME TO HOLD HIMSELF UP FOR THE PICTURE.  I THINK HE POPPED A BUNCH OF PILLS BECAUSE HE WAS NERVOUS TO MEET ME...