GAME OF THRONES

2011-2013
CREATORS:  DAVID BENIOFF AND D.B. WEISS
STARRING:  EMILIA CLARKE, SEAN BEAN, PETER DINKLAGE, LENA HEADEY, AND KIT HARINGTON

THIS IS QUITE OUT OF CHARACTER TO INCLUDE IN MY BLOG, HOWEVER, SOMETHING WORTHY ENOUGH TO INFLUENCE ME TO BUY TWO SEASONS AND WATCH THE THIRD ON MY COMPUTER HAS A RIGHT TO BE ON HERE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WATCH A FIGHT SCENE ON YOUR COMPUTER WITH CONSTANT SKIPS AND SYNC FAILURES?

I LOVE GAME OF THRONES.  I'M ACTUALLY GRATEFUL I MISSED THIS SHOW WHILE IT WAS AIRING.  WITH ALL DO RESPECT, HBO, I WAS ABLE TO WATCH THREE SEASONS IN TWO WEEKS AS OPPOSED TO THREE YEARS.  

THIS IS ONE OF THOSE SHOWS THAT CAN NEVER BE VIEWED ON A NON PREMIUM CHANNEL AS A RESULT OF BLOOD AND SEX FILLING THE SCREEN THREE QUARTERS OF THE TIME.  IT IS VERY SIMILAR TO ROME AND SPARTACUS IN THE SENSE THAT THEY ALL TAKE PLACE IN A TIME LONG AGO WHEN DECAPITATION WAS A DAILY OCCURRENCE, THE KING IS AN ASSHOLE WHO IS CONSTANTLY AVOIDING OTHER ASSHOLES TRYING TO KILL HIM, AND YOU WISH ALL 239,387 CHARACTERS WORE NAME TAGS WITH PRONUNCIATION IN PARENTHESES.  I ALSO FIND IT QUITE ODD THAT EVERY CHARACTER IS ALWAYS  OVERWHELMINGLY SEXY OR ABSOLUTELY NAUSEATING.  THERE'S JUST NO IN BETWEEN WITH THIS.  

ALTHOUGH THIS STORY-LINE IS KILLER, I MUST ADMIT THAT ROME AND SPARTACUS WERE STUFFED WITH MORE ACTION AND SHED MORE BLOOD.  ROME IN PARTICULAR WAS UNMISTAKABLY HEAVIER IN ITS INTENSITY.  I THINK IT IS FAIR TO SAY THAT A FEW PARTS ARE SO RAW THEY ARE SCARRING.  I HAVE NOT WATCHED ROME IN YEARS, YET I CAN STILL VISUALIZE A RAPE SCENE AND WHAT CAN BE MISCONSTRUED AS CHILD PORNOGRAPHY.  GAME OF THRONES REDEEMS ITSELF WITH ITS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTS AND PLOT.  I DO WISH THOUGH, CONSIDERING THE AMOUNT OF CHARACTERS LISTED ON IMDB, MORE PEOPLE WOULD DIE MORE OFTEN.  

ASIDE FROM THIS, THE ONLY INCONSISTENCY I DEEPLY DESPISE IN GAME OF THRONES IS ROB STARK'S STORY-LINE .  I JUST FEEL HIS CHARACTER WAS NOT PAINTED PROFESSIONALLY NOR PASSIONATELY.  I DON'T KNOW IF I AM FOR OR AGAINST HIM BECAUSE I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HIS CHARACTER.  I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO HE WAS IN THE FIRST SEASON, YET THE SECOND SEASON HE SUDDENLY GAINS POWER AND HIS SCREEN TIME INCREASES.  I  FEEL HIS COMPLEXION IS LACKING QUALITIES THAT FORCE YOU TO LOVE OR HATE HIM.  INSTEAD, I JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM.  AS A MATTER OF FACT, KING JOFFREY'S CHARACTER IS SO SOLID THAT VIEWERS ROOT FOR THE NORTH JUST BECAUSE THEY DETEST JOFFREY SO MUCH.  THERE'S NO CHARACTER WHOSE DEATH I ANXIOUSLY AWAIT MORE THAN JOFFREY'S, BUT HEY, THAT'S WHAT PIERCING CHARACTER BUILDING IS ALL ABOUT.  

BY THE LOOKS OF THE PICTURES I'VE CHOSEN, IT IS QUITE PELLUCID WHO MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IS!  EMILIA CLARKE PLAYS DANERYS TARGARYEN, THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS.  IRONICALLY, SHE DOES NOT HAVE AS MUCH SCREEN TIME AS THE OTHER MAIN CHARACTERS, HOWEVER, EVERYBODY LOVES THIS BITCH! HER CHARACTER IS SO RICH IN DESCRIPTION, I LITERALLY FEEL LIKE I'VE WATCHED HER GROW UP OVER THE SEASONS.  THE FIRST TIME SHE WAS INTRODUCED, I HAD SYMPATHY IN MY HEART WHICH LED ME TO BELIEVE SHE IS A WEAK GIRL OVERWHELMED WITH VULNERABILITY AND INEXPERIENCE.  WELL TO SAY THE LEAST, SHE HAS TAUGHT ME ALONG WITH THE OTHER CHARACTERS ON THE SHOW TO NOT MISCONSTRUE HER KINDNESS AND TIMOROUS STEPS FOR WEAKNESS.  

I TRULY BELIEVE IN MY HEART THAT IF AND WHEN HER FIRE EXPLODES ON KING JOFFREY, THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ALL OVER THE COUNTRY WILL GIVE HER AND THE SHOW'S CREATORS A STANDING OVATION.  NOT ONLY IS DANERYS ONE OF THE BEST CHARACTERS I'VE EVER SEEN ON TELEVISION, BUT SHE AND HER HUSBAND ARE THE MOST ATTRACTIVE ON-SCREEN COUPLE MY EYES HAVE EVER BEEN EXPOSED TO.  HEY BILL AND SOOKIE, YOU WISH YOU WERE THIS HOT.  

P.S.  EMILIA CLARKE, I WISHED YOU CHECKED YOUR TWITTER ACCOUNT...I'VE BEEN BLOWING YOU UP!

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: COVEN

2013

CREATORS:  BRAD FALCHUK AND RYAN MURPHY

STARRING:  JESSICAN LANGE, EMMA ROBERTS, JAMIE BREWER, EVAN PETERS, TAISSA FARMIGA, SARAH PAULSON, AND KATHY BATES

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START.  THIS FIRST EPISODE'S EXPLOSION OF BLOOD IS MIND BLOWING.  

THE UNIQUE FACT THAT EACH SEASON OF AMERICAN HORROR STORY IS COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO EACH OTHER IS GENUIS, HOWEVER, IT'S WAY MORE DIFFICULT IN THE SENSE THAT EVERY FIRST EPISODE HAS TO BE INTERTWINED WITH BACKSTORIES OF THE NEW CHARACTERS.  SOMEHOW, FALCHUK AND MURPHY ARE INCREDIBLY ARTISTIC AND SEEM TO HAVE NO PROBLEM SUCCEEDING IN THIS WITHOUT BORING THE VIEWERS TO DEATH.  IN MY OPINION, THE KEY TO THIS IS TO SHOW US WHO THE CHARACTERS ARE AS OPPOSED TO TELLING US.  THIS IN ITSELF IS A FASCINATING ACCOMPLISHMENT.  

I ALSO HAVE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE ART THAT LIES BURIED INSIDE THE SCREENWRITING.  IN THE BEGINNING,  JESSICA LANGE TOLD THE DOCTOR, "I'LL HAVE WHAT SHE'S HAVING", IN REFERENCE TO THE MEDICINE THAT MADE ALLEGRA YOUNG AGAIN.  THIS IS AN AWESOME OMAGE TO ROB REINER'S WHEN HARRY MET SALLY.  I ALSO FOUND WICKED HUMOR WHEN LANGE TOLD SARAH PAULSON THAT IT WAS IRONIC SHE DIDN'T OWN A BROOM.  SOMETIMES IT TAKES MORE THAN ONE VIEWING TO CATCH THESE LITTLE THINGS, SO I WATCHED IT THREE TIMES.  (I KNOW IT'S ONLY SUNDAY, BUT I SWEAR I HAVE A LIFE!)

THE MUSIC WAS KILLER IN THIS EPISODE.  I FEEL LIKE IT CONSTANTLY PUMPED YOU UP FOR WHAT WAS IN STORE.  IT WORKED AS A GREAT AESTHETIC, ADDING MORE EMOTION TO ALL DIFFERENT SCENES, INCLUDING THE INTRODUCTION OF EACH CHARACTER, ESPECIALLY THE ACTORS FROM PREVIOUS SEASONS!  IT ALSO INTENSIFIED THE TERROR AND WAS ROCKING WHEN LANGE WAS HAVING HER INFAMOUS SOLO PARTY. 

JESSICA LANGE IS, WAS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE THE FUCKING MASTER CHARACTER. WHETHER SHE IS CONSTANCE, SISTER JUDE, OR FIONA, SHE ALWAYS DELIVERS THE GOOD WITH THE EVIL.  LANGE ALWAYS SEEMS TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO LIGHT UP A ROOM WITH POSITIVE ENERGY, OR PUT HER CIGARETTE OUT ON A PLATE WHILE HER EVIL AURA DOMINATES.  THIS IS PRICELESS BECAUSE I NEVER CAN INITIALLY SENSE WHAT HER INTENTIONS ARE.  HER UNPREDICTABLE APPEARANCE AND ACTIONS KEEP THE VIEWERS ON THE TIP OF THEIR TOES.  

IN EACH SEASON, AMERICAN HORROR STORY'S CAST KEEPS GROWING. I THINK IT'S FAIR TO SAY THAT THIS SEASON'S CAST IS TOP FUCKING NOTCH.  OBVIOUSLY IT'S HEARTWARMING TO SEE YOUR FAVORITE ACTORS FROM OTHER SEASONS COME TO LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN, BUT KATHY BATES IS A CRUCIAL ADDITION!  I MEAN, REGARDLESS HOW MANY BROOMS ONE COULD POSSIBLY POSSESS, NOBODY COULD EVER ESCALATE ABOVE JESSICA LANGE, BUT BATES IS SURE TO SHINE IN THE UPCOMING EPISODES.  

AND OF COURSE, I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST.  MISS MADISON MONTGOMERY, OH HOW YOU STOLE MY CROWN FOR BEST CHARACTER OF THE SEASON, ALONG WITH MY HEART OF COURSE.  EMMA ROBERTS' CHARACTER REALLY STANDS OUT IN MY EYES.  THE COMBINATION OF HER BITCHY DIALOGUE AND IMPRESSIVE POWER MAKE HER PRESENCE KNOWN.  I HAVE MY FINGERS CROSSED THAT SHE NOT ONLY BLOWS THE ROOF OFF IN THIS SEASON, BUT ALSO IN FUTURE SEASONS.  SHE'S AQUARIUS TOO..JUST SAYING...

YOU'RE NEXT

2011
DIRECTOR:  ADAM WINGARD
WRITER:  SIMON BARRETT
STARRING:  SHARNI VINSON, JOE SWANBERG, AJ BOWEN, NICHOLAS TUCCI, AND BARBARA CRAMPTON

I THINK I HAVE MY UPCOMING HALLOWEEN COSTUME NARROWED DOWN...SHOULD I BE THE LAMB, THE TIGER, OR THE FOX?

IT IS CLEAR TO ME THAT WINGARD AND BARRETT ARE NOT JUST A DIRECTOR AND A WRITER, BUT THEY ARE SIMPLY ARTISTS.  THIS DUO AESTHETICALLY SPLATTERED THE BLOOD WHILE TELLING A HORRIFIC, YET REALISTIC TALE.  

IT STARTED WITH A CLIMAXING BOOM...LITERALLY.  THE BEST WAY TO REEL IN THE AUDIENCE IS TO DISTRACT THEM WITH SOME BOOBIES RIGHT BEFORE SCARING THE LIFE OUT OF THEM.  MY BIGGEST PET PEEVE IS BEING FORCED TO WAIT MORE THAN FIFTEEN MINUTES TO SEE THE FIRST TRACE OF BLOOD IN A HORROR MOVIE.  THIS OPENING WAS THIRST QUENCHING TO SAY THE LEAST.  

EVERY KILL SCENE WAS UNIQUE AND HAD ME JUMPING OUT OF MY SEAT.  I DUG THE CHOICE OF WEAPONS, ESPECIALLY THE BOW AND ARROW.  IT ALMOST MAKES ME WANT TO BUY ONE PROBABLY BECAUSE I ALREADY OWN A MACHETE AND AN AXE.  I FEEL LIKE THIS WEAPON CREATED FEAR SIMILAR TO THAT OF A GUN BECAUSE IT PREVENTED THE VICTIMS FROM FEELING SAFE ENOUGH TO RUN AWAY.  THIS WEAPON WAS SIGNIFICANT IN THAT SENSE, ALONG WITH THE SHOCK OF THE FIRST FAMILY KILL.  THE PROCEEDING KILL WAS ALSO A SHOCK AND NOTHING SHORT OF JAW DROPPING...JUST SAYING.  

THE MOST ARTISTIC MOMENTS IN THE MOVIE I FOUND RESTED IN THE CAMERA ANGLES.  SOME OF THE DIALOGUE SCENES WERE UNMISTAKABLY SO CLOSE TO THE CHARACTER'S FACES.  I LITERALLY COULD COUNT NOSE HAIRS AND PORES.  I NOTICED THIS IMMEDIATELY, AND KEPT IT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE FILM UNTIL I REALIZED WHAT IT MEANT.  IN MY OPINION, IT WAS FORESHADOWING THE VIEWER TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS BECAUSE ONE OF THEM IS DIRTY.  

ULTIMATELY, I LOVED THIS MOVIE AND I'M GOING TO TELL THE WORLD!

SPEAKING OF WHICH, IT WOULD BE EASIER TO TELL THE WORLD IF I COULD FIND A MASK!  TIRED OF SEARCHING THE WEB AND HALLOWEEN STORES (IT IS A FUCKING PLASTIC ANIMAL MASK I AM SPEAKING OF), I DROVE ALL THE WAY TO MARYLAND FOR THE MONSTER MANIA HORROR CONVENTION IN THE HOPES OF FINDING ONE... AND TO MEET MICHAEL MADSEN OF COURSE.  APPARENTLY THEY WERE GIVEN OUT FOR FREE AT THE CHERRY HILL CONVENTION WHICH I ATTENDED BUT WAS OBVIOUSLY TOO LATE.  L.C. HOLT, THE MAIN KILLER IN THE FLICK, COULDN'T EVEN TELL ME WHERE TO BUY ONE.  I'VE EXTENDED MY SEARCH AND REACHED OUT TO LIONSGATE SO WISH ME LUCK!!!  ALSO, DOWNLOAD THE FREE HORROR MOVIE MAKER APP-YOU'RE NEXT EDITION!